Every morning it’s the same. I wake up undaunted with how early it is and I feel almost ready to start my day. I’m actually rested and I cant remember whens the last time I didnt. Yesterday, was a good day and I was on a natural high and today will be the same. I have been taking it one day at a time since the last time I heard your voice and my feelings went over the edge. Yes…with everything I was feeling I needed some perspective.
“You need to remember that no one can validate you, but yourself.” His words ring constantly in my head and I needed to hear them. “Focus on small goals.” Like an echo its all I hear now and its all I can tell myself to get me from point A to point B. In the beginning I was using it to get myself out of bed. Every morning was a fight with myself and to try and be a human being, because I didn’t want and I found my self on the tip of throwing myself away so I took a deep breath…and that’s all I have been doing since.
Breathing deep and slowly helps to calm the fact that every nerve on my body is constantly tingling. Breathing deeply and slowly helps to cool the boiling of my blood and I can come back to smoother ground. It reminds me to stand straight, relax my muscles, and that I can still feel joy so be kind. When it begins to feel like its a bit hard to accept I’ll try to take a deep breath, let it settle, let it go, and then do something that will bring a smile to my face. Eventually, this will get to a point where I wont have to consciously think about having to do it.
The sun is out and soaks up my room with warmth and light. I close my eyes grateful to have a moment to myself in the morning when its the most quiet. I am excited about some shifts that I feel like will make the most sense and also feel good. I am back to traveling and not letting work dictate the scheduling for it and I feel excited. Now, just a couple of more deep breaths its time to bring this to a close and get my self to work.