i opened my mouth.
i let words of vulnerability leave me,
took off the make up covering up the blemishes,
and allowed them to see me.
and then they finally said it.
“this is too much.”
i snapped back,
too in shock to even laugh against
the seed of regret borrowing inside me.
why did i have to say anything in the first place?
why do i have to keep choosing love?
“too much? this is what you asked for.”
i watch disbelief
daintly wrap around their shoulders;
sheilding themselves away through crossed arms.
there is no way in anymore.
“this feels too hard.”
inside i’m screaming. raging.
but right now i have to pretend,
sit understandingly with a smile
less my tongue become the whip.
but inside i’m screaming. tearing.
slowly withering away.
wondering what is the point in having faith?
humanity’s halfway down the drain
what am i loving for?
what am i giving for?
“i thought this would be easier.”
conchale man, why do i get stuck with all the shook ones,
the callow, candid, caricature ones,
the chronic, sorrow ridden, charlatans
always trynna give me some,
frontin like they give it all
actin like i owe’em one.
conchale man, and they don’t even give it.
“i said i was sorry.”
i wanna say screw an im sorry,
let my ego out and start a naughty party,
but what’d be the point,
i know i’d be good at it,
but there ain’t too much fun in it.
so what’s a girl to say?
“leave.”
why you askin me to stay?
why you askin to prolongue
what’s about to go away?
take a seat,
let me ask you what’s your play?
this game is gettin mundane.
i’m callin it,
cuz it’s too foul,
and i’m too proud to be down with it.
“peace out.”
Jari G. Planning 