I woke up deaf to the world.
Mouths continue to move
But I can’t find anything worth listening to.
It wasn’t until I watched
Two lovers
Dance across the skies
Without ever having to speak
That it hit me.
I had fallen apart.
I walked closer to the edge
Hoping that if I could get high enough,
If I could get close enough,
If I could trust enough,
That mother would reach back
Granting me wings to fly.
Granting me new life.
I woke up mute to the world.
So many thoughts but everyone’s
Closed off their mind,
Too afraid of truth
So they look to appease,
Stitching the road to my heart shut
I have plenty to say,
But not at the cost of myself.
I listened to love beat out for father
Hoping that if I told him every hic up,
If I shared every tear drop,
If I held the misguided parts of myself
Just as close as the awakening,
That father would fortify my tongue,
With the strength to slice through
The lies that live inside them,
Giving me the strength to read with love
Instead of spite.
I woke up blind to the world.
Couldn’t stop the forcing of bodies,
Couldn’t see past the pretense of smiles,
Or empty promises of safety.
Here we are again.
Foolishly bleeding out,
Unapologetically willing to hope
At the cost of everything,
Because you promised to sustain me.
So I reach with out dislocated limbs,
As my existence cracks under the pressure,
For mother to wrap her roots around me,
Ingrain themselves in my veins
As fathers waters work to cleanse me
From the choices threatening
To take me from greatness.
Like a lamb that accepts its fate faithfully,
I’m not afraid of the pain I feel.
Like the lion whose presence
Roars just as powerfully as it’s warning,
I will get up and die a thousand times more
If it means to hear without judgement.
I will get up and die a thousand times more
If it means to speak with out being jaded.
I will get up to die a thousand times more
If it means to see without having to cover up the reality in which we are living.
In which we’ve been living.
Jari G. Planning 