Win. Lose. Ties. I am going to let you in on a secret. When it comes to effective communication there is no such things as “I win.”
The reality is that We need to learn to take accountability for our actions, feelings & thoughts. I’ve had to learn to take accountability, even when unintentional, for the impact that I’ve had on others. Is it easy? No. Did it feel scary at times? Yes, because I have no control of how someone will respond in the moments I’m being honest with myself. Do I sometimes think about just going off & laying out all the tea in multi color? Of course I am human. So what’s stopping me? I stop me & the people I love and care about; their memory stops me.
Yes. It is you. The people that I love & hold dear, even if these days its only in memory.
I know what it feels like to share intimate pieces of yourself, for your healing, with someone you call a friend & they blast it to the world in damaging ways when things don’t go their selfish way.
I get angry & the capacity to say hurtful things is there. In the moment that I was hurt I could’ve said a lot of things. Every time someone blamed me for their poor choices I could’ve blasted them with receipts showing them the fool. Instead I sought out help. I want to be that person that even if we part ways, everything said in confidence goes away with me as well. I don’t want a moment of anger to create doubt in myself or with the people I care about.
I can’t control what other people choose to do, but I can control my choices. I don’t want to “win” an argument. I want to get to the root & I want to move through it. What I won’t do is dwell. If you’re stuck on something that, honestly, has nothing to do with you to begin with, then all those feels are really on you to lay to rest, because all events do is show us if our actions will line up with who we project ourselves to be in the world.
Looking back now, I realized I didn’t lose anything. I simply gained a new sense of freedom.
Jari G. Planning 