Cut The In-authenticity.

I ran into an old acquaintance today. It wasn’t anyone I particularly cared for if I am being honest with you. What that means is, I can share the same space & not feel this need, urge, irrational want to greet you, especially if we are not friends. It could be a complete coincidence & I will be perfectly alright with going about our business without a whisper of a hello. Why? I simply prefer it that way. Interactions that feel forced or as though we are talking about the whether simply do not interest me. Actually, any form of unwanted small talk that lacks depth are interactions I simply do not care to waste my time with. I particularly do not feel this awkward need to engage even when its someone I used to know & have chosen to no longer engage with.

we are obligated to no one.

It amazes me the depth of petty that people are capable of. There is one form, that continues to get under my skin, that is my biggest pet peeve. A Hippocratic. Especially, when they talk about change instead of practicing being change. Now to be fair, we all have off days & normally I can just let it float right over my pretty head. Why? Because it’s clear based on that person’s behavior that they are deeply unhappy & need some sort of attention, even while knowing that you do not care for it. It is this understanding that allows me to choose to keep calm & keep it pushing, without having to entertain them with a response.

Then there are moments where even in fairness, you know you are being egged on to step out of character, through the guise of a fake smile & empty greetings being thrown at you in a patronizing manner. Now, in these particular moments I could go one of three ways:

  1. Intentionally focus on my breathing, keep my blood pressure from rising, exhale the condescending energy that is purposefully trying get a rise out of me & keep it pushing with my sweet cafe.
  2. Engage in a pointless back in forth, because on an honest level, we understand that this particular person is not mentally or emotionally in the right frame of mind, if their behavior is anything to go by. Thus, leading to high blood pressure & the potential for the situation to escalate.
  3. Respond from a state of trigger, possibly embarrass yourself in the process, even if you didn’t start the issue, all because it then escalated & you gave into past responses & put hands on someone who doesn’t know how to defend themselves against the brunt of all that you are feeling.

treat those how you want to be treated. words to live by. remember I am only human.

I chose me & let of the urge to respond from my old self. What I have cultivated in myself & who I want to be moving forward will not risk undoing how I want to carry myself & how I want to be seen, over someone that chooses to bring harm unto themselves. I was not going to allow myself to be a part of whatever game she had in mind, simply to prove any point. I chose me & understood that this was one of those interactions where logic, growth, closure, understanding was not something she really had in mind.

Even as she proceeded to yell loudly in the street with fake good byes & inauthentic well wishes, that clearly held nothing but ill-willed feelings in them, the only thing I chose to leave her with was the truth.

Silvia Ortiz, stop talking to us. We are not friends. All that you are doing is unnecessary. Just stop talking at us.

Do I regret saying that? No. Why? It is the truth. I am obligated only to my truth. Was my pride bruised? No, mostly annoyed & completely still intact. Was the rest of my day affected? In hind sight, it affected it for the better for my self & for the people that I am close to. Why? Because actions speak louder than words. Her display proved, that in this moment, she hasn’t changed, there has been no intentional growth on her part & isn’t worth the energy I have to give. All she did was solidify that by removing myself from all forms of communication with her was the best thing I could have done. What else does her display show me? There is a high probability she will try it again & so I will be working on practices to keep me grounded so I can regulate my actions, particularly in public.

our actions & our word is all we really have in this world. I will allow no one to jeopardize or compromise mine.

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