3 Ways Breathing Helps Me

When I find myself beginning to struggle through a triggering moment, I will consciously stop what I am doing and take my first deep breath.

1) the first breath always helps to calm the anxiety/excitement that I am feeling. #breathe #repeat

2) my second breath helps to slow down any racing thoughts. #breathe #repeat

3) my last breath makes it easier for me to listen & remain present. #breathe #repeat

two wholes.

I’m tired dying

Moving slow

Feeling low

Actin like I got no place to go.

But it’s hard out here

Where loves got

Billions of different definitions

And potential lovers

are being gunned down

Every Otha minute

Just for living while black.

In the crypt before their time

Trynna forced me to let go of what I know

In my gut as truth

For options that honestly

Ain’t too appetizing. So I starve.

I’m tired of dyin.

These days I got it togetha

Yet they hella lifted,

They waiting, yeah they hoping

A homie fails

Goes back to the unworthy

Shit is reckless.

Energy got me trynna

Skip to new tune

And I ain’t trynna have all that.

Yeah I’m skipping steps

To this process;

It’s gotten easier

As I’ve come to know myself.

See I’ve been through worse

So I have an idea of what’s better.

But don’t get it confused

It don’t mean imma settle,

If anything lovin me is harder,

That’s what happens when you have standards,

When self love can only recognize self love

In another

Cuz building you up ain’t what I’m here for.

You gotta do that yourself,

Cuz only two wholes

Can stand true together.


im sitting here. sitting between all the i hate yous
and i love yous,
wandering through left over trauma,
potential missed connections,
wondering if you’re there
sitting in it too?

they told me i’d find you here.
stuck somehwere between 2001 and 2017.
running cirlces around a choice
we thought we made.

they’re sitting there. in between all the i hate yous
and i love yous,
paitently waiting for an answer,
childishly unmoving.

they told me i’d find you here.
out here sifiting. sifting through the amount of wealth
birthed from intuition.
told me not to let you wander on for too long
when things were just getting good.

she was sitting between all the i love yous
and i hate yous,
until the sun birthed another eden
and she found herself never in want again.


Part III

I didn’t understand it.

Where had she gone?

This little girl

Who looked so much like me

Is smiling.

reaching out her hand

Waiting. For me.

I want to smack her hand away,

I want to cover her eyes,

Make her look away from

Who we be.

I don’t want her to know

How we got here.

Without my consent

She grabs a hold of my arm

Dragging me down to her level.

‘I want to see you’ she says.

So I tell her ‘truth. You make me want to run’.

I move her hand away,

So she grabs a fistful of skirt

And her warning is clear.

She will tug, allow herself to be dragged

If she needs to.

Still smiling she tells me

‘This is too important.’

‘I need you to smile now.’

‘I need you to remember joy.’

So again it cracks. Effortlessly this time.

That fine mask,

so well polished,

painted to perfection

is peeled away by small fingers

Hoping to keep you around this time.

Piece by piece,

She does away with the falsehood

Apathy created,

Leaving you bare.

Naked as the day we were born.


This little girl

Living in the joy of my smile.

She tells me ‘welcome home.’

I am the before and I am the after.

Part II

I didn’t understand it.

I wondered,

Where had she gone?

This little girl

Who looked so much like me

Was smiling.

Tapping uniform heels together,

Maybe one more time

And we’d be transported back home.

Transport me back to ‘the before’.

Before that bubbled way of living

Became cold,

Back to the before

You fell out of love with self,

Back to the before

We woke up living two miles away

From the sanctuary our family was birthed in.

Back before home became lie

And lie became the out to all our problems.

Take me back to the before

Where the courage to be brave still exists

And the thought of becoming a coward scared you more so we lived out more of our truths.