@Jaritza_Geigel

As a writer I never leave home without a pair of headphones, a pen/pencil, a charged phone & a journal. I love listening to the sounds of the city. All the bustling back & forth, your ears that pick up incohesiveness of multiple conversations being merged together, and the flow of crowds as you watch from a comfortable distance. When I am not in the middle of a crowd, people watching is pretty interesting & can teach you a few things about human behavior.

So why the pair of headphones? Well it helps me to focus. It helps me zero in, completely, on one sound. This one sounds I can either pay closer attention to or it becomes such a strong point of focus that all sound becomes irrelevant & its almost like watching the world as a silent motion picture; except it’s live.

Pen or Pencil, nothing has to be permanent when it comes to writing. Words & meanings can change. I am never without a pen or a journal, on the off chance that a new idea may come to me. A charged phone can also come in handy, although I try to resist using it. Why? I want to resist editing my work as I am writing. I would rather all my thoughts, and the feelings I wish to convey, flood the page, before I go looking over it with editing eyes.

3 reasons why people are the best source for inspiration: Free, Highly Complex & they have Impact.

Whether the music is on or off, once I am in the zone I begin to create space for myself & allow the feelings that I may be sitting with to come up. Most of the time, depending on where I am & what I am listening to, it hold some influence over the mood & flow of what I want to convey. The feeling is the ocean & I choose to float with & against its currents. As a writer I have been reflecting on what it is I want to say. What is my message? Where does my story truly begin, where did it end & where does it continue to live? How does it fit in the small & vast world we find ourselves in?

people gazing affords me the opportunity to renew my hope for humanity. when the act of kindness is offered without having been asked. when the act of love lives in the smallest gesture of human and nature interaction.

A Writer’s Toolkit Playlist

TWO

i want to be selfish.

i dont want to have to share anymore of your time

with others more than neccessary.

im always having to share

the most important pieces attached to me.

quite frankly im over it.

i dont care to maintain connections that dont go deep.

networking is cool, but i dont need new friends

and lets face it,

arent they all just passerbyers anyway.

cant we just keep it cute with the hello,

follow me on the gram,

i gotta go and lets chat over email.

yeah, i guess that’s just me being selfish

cuz i’d rather not engage in this song & dance

but i guess im gonna have to womyn up

and put on one of those authentic smiles

and stop being such a sourpuss…i guess.

meditation chronicles | TWO

Day 22: Hung Over & Hang Ups

she don’t party like she used to,

because 1) we didn’t used to party,

and 2) because 2am crashes teach us that,

the way our body is set up

is that we need function better on 8-9 hours of rested sleep.

so get it together, you chose this, now ride it out

until face meets bed.

Wanna Be Helpful?

I feel so exhausted sometimes…because some of the people who love me, do not know how to use their words.  Some of them are so judgemental that I don’t see them in my life for much longer and I find myself silently mourning the connection that will transition into nothing. 

Today. It’s the family I was born into. Today, my grandmothers words disappoint me. I respect it, but it disappoints me, because maybe with out realizing or meaning to she lies to me. 

She tells me, “I can help you, but-.”  I dispise the word but. When I’ve heard it too many times to bare there is usually a tick that will begin to happen, I won’t realize I’m holding my breath, my blood makes my body hot, and my vision isn’t so clear and no where near grounded. 

I stop her somehow and take a deep breath. I am tired of trying to be assisted when the motive is control. So I tell her, “I was specific about how you can help. Now if you wish to offer something that is both unecessary and irrelevant to the ask then no. Do not help me then, because you are already being unhelpful.”

She pushes back wanting to make her point about helping me. So I repeat myself again. Still she does not see it. So she pushes, and when the word miscommunication leaves her lips I remember to breathe and find it in my right mind to end the conversation, because this won’t end with her. She has to be “right” and I have come a long enough way to know that I’m not interested in a fight. I’m not in the mood to convince anyone why I care about the people I do and why they deserve our help. I’m not in the mood convince this womyn who deems herself to walk with all these values, but when it comes time to put it to practice – there’s nothing, but the bull most people like to pat themselves on the back with- bare minimum. 

It’s so interesting to me, even still, people’s definition of helping. Everyone’s definition is so so different and so I needed to see more. I needed to see if people who helped did so out of some self gain or because they really wanted to. 

I look out at the family I’ve chosen. They smile. I feel better now. Not today they say. Tonight will be a good night. Tomorrow will be better. For now we are Oki, later we will revisit the conversation in a way that isn’t exhausting. I’m relieved and I let it go for now. Tonight I’m reminded to focus on the joy for now.