hear no, speak no, see no

I woke up deaf to the world.

Mouths continue to move

But I can’t find anything worth listening to.

It wasn’t until I watched

Two lovers

Dance across the skies

Without ever having to speak

That it hit me.

I had fallen apart.

I walked closer to the edge

Hoping that if I could get high enough,

If I could get close enough,

If I could trust enough,

That mother would reach back

Granting me wings to fly.

Granting me new life.

I woke up mute to the world.

So many thoughts but everyone’s

Closed off their mind,

Too afraid of truth

So they look to appease,

Stitching the road to my heart shut

I have plenty to say,

But not at the cost of myself.

I listened to love beat out for father

Hoping that if I told him every hic up,

If I shared every tear drop,

If I held the misguided parts of myself

Just as close as the awakening,

That father would fortify my tongue,

With the strength to slice through

The lies that live inside them,

Giving me the strength to read with love

Instead of spite.

I woke up blind to the world.

Couldn’t stop the forcing of bodies,

Couldn’t see past the pretense of smiles,

Or empty promises of safety.

Here we are again.

Foolishly bleeding out,

Unapologetically willing to hope

At the cost of everything,

Because you promised to sustain me.

So I reach with out dislocated limbs,

As my existence cracks under the pressure,

For mother to wrap her roots around me,

Ingrain themselves in my veins

As fathers waters work to cleanse me

From the choices threatening

To take me from greatness.

Like a lamb that accepts its fate faithfully,

I’m not afraid of the pain I feel.

Like the lion whose presence

Roars just as powerfully as it’s warning,

I will get up and die a thousand times more

If it means to hear without judgement.

I will get up and die a thousand times more

If it means to speak with out being jaded.

I will get up to die a thousand times more

If it means to see without having to cover up the reality in which we are living.

In which we’ve been living.

don’t let me.

Don’t let me show ugliness

I’m not broken.

I’ve fertilized the soil

For my soul

I’m not trying to go back,

Don’t let me show ugliness.

They said it’s time

To grow up,

That cruelty has no place

Where love chooses to exist.

I wanna see them like you see me

But unblind to the reality of the life we’re living.

I can’t front to be

That naive girl

Back in ‘03

New me just wont stand for it.

This is what knowledge does,

Lift the veil,

Bringing sight to the blind,

Can’t keep moving the same way

I’m used to

less I wanna relapse

Like a a bad habit.

I used to want to erase memories

I thought were killing me

But I’ve learned how to smile through the pain.

I learned how to remember for strength,

Cuz sometimes we need a reminder of how far we’ve come.

To remember

How so unlike ourselves we’ve become.

Becoming.

Don’t let me show ugliness.

tres.

hey you.
its been a while.
it took a bit, but i’ve managed
to finally get your attention.
i knew you couldnt resist,
it was just a matter of time before
you got bored, overwhelmed, ticked off
to the point of needing me to cope.
to deal like i’ve always done,
like i always do.
its about time ya know. shoulda came to me sooner.
i would’ve sorted out these feels for ya
but its like there’s no trust in my capacity
to dip this tongue in empathy.
a shame really. didnt ya know my bag is full of wonderful tricks.
one side of me | tres

dos.

sometimes its not me.
you tell me we’ve met before
so i nod trusting that what you say is true.
you tell me i’ve shared this magnificent smile
i’ve heard nothing about before
so you show me.
images flash across my mind
like an old momento
and im captivated by this womyn you speak of.
she seems so nice,
soft around the edges;
genuinely presently living in the moment.
i nod in hopes of some sort of recollection
but it escapes me.
my body has moved without my permission
and i wonder if you know that
sometimes its not me or havent you realized yet.
one side of me series | dos

for a past life.

they walked.
sometimes they even held hands.
he watched her smile for the sun.
the sun always came first.
then him.
reaching out for jasmine flowers,
watching gentle tips caress their edges
he wondered how she could smile any wider.
“they’re beautiful don’t you think?”
trapped by the only flower he bothered
to replant in his garden
he drifted up towards the sun nodding.
“yes, you are.”