two wholes.

I’m tired dying

Moving slow

Feeling low

Actin like I got no place to go.

But it’s hard out here

Where loves got

Billions of different definitions

And potential lovers

are being gunned down

Every Otha minute

Just for living while black.

In the crypt before their time

Trynna forced me to let go of what I know

In my gut as truth

For options that honestly

Ain’t too appetizing. So I starve.

I’m tired of dyin.

These days I got it togetha

Yet they hella lifted,

They waiting, yeah they hoping

A homie fails

Goes back to the unworthy

Shit is reckless.

Energy got me trynna

Skip to new tune

And I ain’t trynna have all that.

Yeah I’m skipping steps

To this process;

It’s gotten easier

As I’ve come to know myself.

See I’ve been through worse

So I have an idea of what’s better.

But don’t get it confused

It don’t mean imma settle,

If anything lovin me is harder,

That’s what happens when you have standards,

When self love can only recognize self love

In another

Cuz building you up ain’t what I’m here for.

You gotta do that yourself,

Cuz only two wholes

Can stand true together.

between.

im sitting here. sitting between all the i hate yous
and i love yous,
wandering through left over trauma,
potential missed connections,
wondering if you’re there
sitting in it too?

they told me i’d find you here.
stuck somehwere between 2001 and 2017.
running cirlces around a choice
we thought we made.

they’re sitting there. in between all the i hate yous
and i love yous,
paitently waiting for an answer,
childishly unmoving.

they told me i’d find you here.
out here sifiting. sifting through the amount of wealth
birthed from intuition.
told me not to let you wander on for too long
when things were just getting good.

she was sitting between all the i love yous
and i hate yous,
until the sun birthed another eden
and she found herself never in want again.

 

love?

you forgot how to be in love.
truth.
you didn’t know how to be in love to begin with.
go back to the beginning and tell me,
who you fell out of love with?
who kept you running in circles
vying for their attention
and tell me,
what your definition of love is?

clarify it for me. tell me where you stand these days.
has it changed?
does your definition of love
make you stirr in your sleep?
make you come endlessly from ya wet dreamin?
tell me. clarify it for me.
do even remember what hurting feels like
when you give it out so easily without mercy.

tell me, does it soothe you?
does it make you exhault my name?
does it bring you on to the tips of your toes
cuz it makes you want to float away?
tell me. clarify it for me. does it enlighten you?
has the universe come to make more sense
now that you think you hold it in the palms of your hands?

you still havent told me. your definition of love that is.
do you wake up inspired by the creativity
bursting from behind closed eyelids
right before she’s about to wake up?
has it left you speechless?
when there are no more words do you cry instead,
because you’re that overwhelmed with joy.
does it make you want to find a million ways
to express gratitude,
because thank you just doesn’t feel like enough.

do you know what love is?
do you think you could ever understand?
tell me something.
have you even bothered to ask yourself the question?

hear no, speak no, see no

I woke up deaf to the world.

Mouths continue to move

But I can’t find anything worth listening to.

It wasn’t until I watched

Two lovers

Dance across the skies

Without ever having to speak

That it hit me.

I had fallen apart.

I walked closer to the edge

Hoping that if I could get high enough,

If I could get close enough,

If I could trust enough,

That mother would reach back

Granting me wings to fly.

Granting me new life.

I woke up mute to the world.

So many thoughts but everyone’s

Closed off their mind,

Too afraid of truth

So they look to appease,

Stitching the road to my heart shut

I have plenty to say,

But not at the cost of myself.

I listened to love beat out for father

Hoping that if I told him every hic up,

If I shared every tear drop,

If I held the misguided parts of myself

Just as close as the awakening,

That father would fortify my tongue,

With the strength to slice through

The lies that live inside them,

Giving me the strength to read with love

Instead of spite.

I woke up blind to the world.

Couldn’t stop the forcing of bodies,

Couldn’t see past the pretense of smiles,

Or empty promises of safety.

Here we are again.

Foolishly bleeding out,

Unapologetically willing to hope

At the cost of everything,

Because you promised to sustain me.

So I reach with out dislocated limbs,

As my existence cracks under the pressure,

For mother to wrap her roots around me,

Ingrain themselves in my veins

As fathers waters work to cleanse me

From the choices threatening

To take me from greatness.

Like a lamb that accepts its fate faithfully,

I’m not afraid of the pain I feel.

Like the lion whose presence

Roars just as powerfully as it’s warning,

I will get up and die a thousand times more

If it means to hear without judgement.

I will get up and die a thousand times more

If it means to speak with out being jaded.

I will get up to die a thousand times more

If it means to see without having to cover up the reality in which we are living.

In which we’ve been living.

I.

mmmmmmm
i’ve been waitin for you…..

ive been waitin, sittin pretty now
come on , come on, come on shimmy now
ey yo
tell me how ya day been
lay it on me, tell me all ya secrets
i waitin for a boi like you
to come on thru
tell me
what it do
ive been waitin so patiently
so lady like
ya would think it was stupidly

but all this faith in me
got me out here livin so wonderously
i throw it up and down
to the one above
cuz he stay on my mind
cant get him out my head
cant get him out my head

every notice how the world twirl
wibble, wobble like old girl
ey yo
called her up the other day
asked if i could come around her way
said nah, said she wasnt really feelin me
catistraphic, yes these feelinga are, real talk,
they will leave you sleepless,
have you out here actin so damn foolish

but all this faith in me
got me out here livin so wonderously
i throw it up and down
to the one above
cuz she stay on my mind
cant get her out my head
cant get her out my head

its time to change the flow
bring the beat down
and make it move slow
this love’s original
dont think too hard, you’ll blow the tempo
just love me lavishly
cuz here is where i wanna be
cant get her off my mind
cant get her off my mind