- It allows me to have a clearer mind.
- It allows me to slow down.
- I physically feel lighter.
- I’ve become more aware of my interactions with people.
When I find myself beginning to struggle through a triggering moment, I will consciously stop what I am doing and take my first deep breath.
1) the first breath always helps to calm the anxiety/excitement that I am feeling. #breathe #repeat
2) my second breath helps to slow down any racing thoughts. #breathe #repeat
3) my last breath makes it easier for me to listen & remain present. #breathe #repeat
I’ve been told I’m a rude one.
And yes. You’re right. I most definitely can be.
But like the scrub you are
I just brush ya micro aggressions off me.
But what I can’t stand,
What I can’t swerve off,
Is this insatiable need for you to test me,
Looking to get a reaction out of me,
Cuz you think I won’t give you one.
So how about I do this.
Why don’t I take the next 5 minutes
To stare at you over these shades
So you can read my distaste.
Why don’t I take the next 5 minutes to cock my head so effortlessly to the side,
Causing all this flawless hair
To wrap around my right
So you can see the exposure of my jugular;
Blood vessel pumpin
Like the savage I’m about to become.
Why don’t I take the next 5 minutes after that
To go off on the ill mannered, self absorbed,
Self entitled child ya mama raised you to be.
Yes I brought ya mama in it. I’ll talk about ya daddy too,
Cuz clearly the lack of respect for womyn
Was high on his priority list;
Look how it rubbed off you.
Go buck up ya chest to the next one
I’ll come for the jugular;
Understand I’m tiny.
I waste no time in trynna fight you;
I’ll end you, ‘nuf said.
I used to think white people
Acting on their privilege got on my nerves,
But ya Hella confused light skinned,
White passing, boogie Mo’fos be tryin it.
Just as annoying, in need of getting your life
And realize you ain’t no better than the rest.
Understand I neva said less but certainly ain’t no betta.
Wanna be down when it’s convenient;
But ready to claim colonizers blood when being black don’t seem trendy enough, sexy enough, lit enough;
Swallow all ya internalized noise
And cut it.
When you stare into the mirror
Do you see yourself?
What do you look like?
Do you like you as much as I do?
Do your eyes still laugh
Even after the memory of his hands on your body rapes you for the millionth time?
Your smile. Does it shine? Does the corner of your mouth still sparkle as the memory of his attempts to break your face shakes you out of your sleep for the 3rd time tonight?
Tell me. I want to know. Where?
After the memory
Of all his rage,
Choking the life from you,
Reminds your lungs how to stop breathing,
Where does the air come
Allowing your eyes to open the next morning.
How have you remembered to breathe?
When you stare into the mirror
Are you alone?
Does mother look at you,
Eyes still covered,
Cuz your mouth remains mute,
To the reality in which you’ve been living.
Has mother been allowed to see all of you?
Do you see father peeking around the blindfold,
hoping to catch a glimpse of you,
Or does his front look very much like his back,
With no avenue for sound to reach him.
Tell me. I want to know. When.
When the last born came crying,
Was it then?
Was it then that 3 became 1,
And you the outside participant to a unit
That felt complete enough for them.
When you wake up in the morning,
Dragging yourself nakedly to the mirror,
Tell me. I want to know. Do you see you like I do?
Have you fallen in love with each,
Permanently newly placed decoration,
Healing on your skin?
Are you trippin off that mouth, Like I do,
With its capacity to cause just as much damage as it seeks to create & heal.
When you let go and move to the drum beat
Do you feel as free as I do?
Did you know that freedom taste as light as I feel when we’re in sync?
Tell me. I want to know.
If you’ve married yourself yet?
Have you given every inch of self validation?
have you given you worth? Have you let yourself into every crevice of your humanity, so I could find a home there too.
Tell me. Do you know? Cuz I need to.